While I was having my "meeting" with Katie yesterday she shared something with me that I hadn't really thought of while I was here. I thought that I was pretty well prepared for a cross-culture experience... I mean I literally talked about culture in almost every single one of my classes every single day. But when Katie shared her little piece of wisdom with me I was dumbfounded...why had I never thought of this before?! (Side note: my teachers did a great job of teaching me, I think this is just one of those things you just have to experience to know.)
I almost just said the WHOLE time I've been here...but it's barely been a week... SOOOOOO.....
Since I've been here I've been taking in the culture around me, watching people, seeing how they interact with each other, their families, children, me when I don't understand and most importantly how they dress...but what I really hadn't been focusing on was the affect that being in a completely different culture had on ME.
What Katie shared with me is that when you come into a new culture you basically lose your identity (more or less, I mean I still have my passport so that's good). Nothing is familiar around you, you can't understand what people are saying, you don't know how to express yourself in anyway (mostly), people dress differently and listen to different music and watch different TV shows (Oh, how i miss reality TV). It's just all different. That was kind of my Oprah "Ah-ha" moment, which fittingly took place after my Ah-hahhahahahahahah moment. I even said to Katie, "I don't know how to be funny in Spanish." I miss being able to make people laugh. Now locals just laugh at me when I stumble over my Spanish and then don't understand what they say back to me. I have to find my identity.
I'm going to go off on a scholarly, Kevin Miller, tangent here real fast so you can skip this paragraph and I won't be upset! This past semester I learned from my new buddy Dr. Miller that the language we use effects every part of our life, our CULTURE, it shapes our culture. Or the words that we use shapes our culture. So, without my native language I have been having a hard time saying what I mean. I don't know HOW people talk here or what they talk about, or that I sound stupid when I use a Latin American word that's not used in Spain. I want to fit in, I don't want to look American, I want to look Spanish (which if anyone did think I looked Spanish, once they heard me talk the hoax would be up). I simply don't know the language, which makes me an outsider, and minority. Last weekend a Spaniard came up to me and a group of my friends on the street and said (in Spanish), "You're in Spain, talk in Spanish." Ewwwwww I felt so gross & mad & mostly stupid. While my appearance suggests that I almost fit in, my language clearly says otherwise. I am a minority here. Here, English doesn't make me "better." When I had traveled to the D.R. before I was looked up to in a way because I was white and knew English. That doesn't matter so much at all here, I'm not in a near 3rd world country or poverty stricken area...While I have never said it so many people in the states have said, "You're in America, speak English..." or something along those lines. YUCK! STOP IT! DON'T EVER SAY IT AGAIN!!! I didn't agree with that saying before anyways but now its real personal. I can now personally identify with people who have had that said to them, it is by no means a good feeling.
BUT anyways back to what I was saying....
In a way I feel like having my break down so early makes me look weak. I barely lasted a week with all my familiar things and I completely lost it. Which also makes me thing that I really don't know what my identity is, and probably haven't for a long time. But at the same time I'm happy it happened and that it happened when it did.
Tonight we had a little student chapel at school. It started out with worship songs that are sung at HU chapels & I instantly began to think how awesome of an experience I was witnessing. All 30 of us in one room at the same time. All with different pasts, problems,and all struggling to find our identities in a new culture. Some stripped down or away from their cultures more than others. But the really really really really REALLLLLLY cool part was, we all had one thing in common, we all have Jesus. We were all praising the same God who knows our true identity, regardless of culture, language or whatever else. We all have this awesome opportunity to grow AND to grow with HIM. I'm beyond excited to see where this road leads me.
Side note: Also we talked about Flamenco classes & the teacher of those classes was there and she somewhat taught us how to salsa. It was awesome & I loved it.
I came on this trip thinking I was going to learn and language & culture but after the past couple days I think there is more in store for me here.
I haven't worn sweatpants in public for over a week now,
Audrey
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